Slow Learner

I haven’t written since Narcissus talked about him wanted to have less penetrative sex, and less orgasms, and so on. There really wasn’t a reason for me not writing during that time, I just get incredibly wrapped up in myself sometimes is all.

I want to say, I really appreciate everyone who took the time to give suggestions, and tell us about ways we can still include penetrative sex if I wanted it, or if I would miss it.

So since his posts discussing that stuff there has indeed been less penetration and less orgasms (for him). Some people might wonder doesn’t that make him more in control since it was his idea, and I suppose from the surface it could seem that way. However, I’ve always been more for denial and less orgasms. Penetrative sex has always happened on my terms, so that’s no different. We had stopped denial while he was healing, and it’s something I definitely missed.

As part of my encompassing desire for control, I really enjoy controlling someone’s sexual pleasure. I enjoy keeping them in a state of hunger. He has had one (maybe two?) full orgasms since he wrote those posts, I believe. He’s had a couple of ruined ones, because they really crack me up, and that’s about it. He’s been pegged by me, we’ve had some PIV, and we’ve had just oral sessions (both ways). It’s been a very full, and still fulfilling sex life. I really wish more people felt empowered enough to broaden their sexual horizons and spice things up, so to speak. I always get so depressed thinking about the people out there who do the same thing every time.

My dominance over him is higher in general once again, too. I had lost certain motivations for it while he was working on his problems, and I was also trying to take a step back and let him be in control of himself. I feel like we’re falling back into our own, natural roles well though. I told him recently to expect things to be more than they had been lately. More demanding. More inclusive. I’m not sure if it has been what he was expecting, or less.

Owning someone is a challenge, as I’m sure is obvious. There is always a line to walk. Especially when you own someone who is so incredibly receptive, it can feel so easy to screw up. They notice all the small things. This is both good and bad. It means you can hurt them without meaning to, but it also means that they will know they’re loved even when you’re just abysmal at showing it. I am learning. Slowly, mind you, but learning nevertheless.

-Rhea