Here I am, up early at the time of writing this. I’m the only person awake, as Rhea has went to bed just minutes ago. While I’m slightly annoyed at the fact that I’m having a hard time sleeping (it happens semi-often for me), it’s giving me some really good, quiet, alone time to think with my tea. To my surprise, I realized that instead of thinking about something sexual-related, as I would have some time ago, I’m thinking about other things such as my workout goals, techniques to perfect my art, and life itself. That doesn’t mean that I’m not still a sexual person, because I definitely am. It means that I’m no longer consumed by an addiction.
This blog was started to follow a chastity/denial/FLR journey, and it evolved from there into more of a general sex blog. People still find the blog from these topics, and they’re something that’s heavy on my own mind, as well.
Being in a D/s relationship, along with a FLR, may seem relatively simple at first glance. Speaking from the submissive partner’s perspective, the role may seem pretty straight forward. You follow the rules set in place by the dominant partner, and you let them lead, hence a female led relationship. To some, that may seem like sitting back and enjoying the ride while the other takes charge.
However, it’s obviously not that simple at all. Actually implementing the roles takes tremendous effort on both ends. Even though submitting requires you to give yourself over to your partner, you have to learn how to balance that and accept taking from them, also.
It’s amazing what can be accomplished when you just let your mind flow freely and live in the moment. It sounds like such a simple thing, I know, but all too often we are guilty of not just enjoying what’s happening. What am I leading to with this?
Being the receiving partner during sex.
The very moment I read Rhea’s post, I reassured her on the spot. Still, I just wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t post my feelings on the topic. She didn’t ask me to do this, and probably won’t want me to do it, but personally, I think all of the time and effort she’s put into helping me through the addiction deserves more recognition than she’s giving herself.
Besides, it’s about time I’ve updated our readers on my side of the addiction recovery, anyway.
It’s crazy how you can be so blind to things you’ve become accustomed to. I never realized how bad things had got between Narcissus and I. Believe me, I wasn’t oblivious to what was going on, and how it affected us. However, I had turned a blind eye to certain things, it seems.
Today, I did something for the first time…
I exercised with a butt plug in.
It’s a new year; 2017. Wow, just reading that number looks like a thing you’d only see in science fiction movies. Ya know, the ones where we’d have a cure for deadly diseases, hover cars, and robots that did everything for us. Needless to say, we’re far from that. People are still dying from cancer at alarming rates, our cars are barely becoming just eco-friendly (not that that’s a bad thing either), and a lot of us, at least that I personally know, still prefer our own kind to do what we need for us. Maybe the horror stories the movies told us a lot of times through this is what stopped us from taking the risks of attempting to create these things.
Regardless, the state of our earth and civilization isn’t what I’m here to discuss, really. There’s one thing that’s been a part of us since the dawn of man, hell, life itself, that hasn’t had it easy; sexuality.
It took me long enough, but here we are.
I’m an insecure person, and not all at the same time. I am so ridiculously confident and full of myself on one hand, and on the other, I believe I’m the lowest of the low. This isn’t a way for me to garner compliments, or reassurances; it’s simply just me telling truths about myself that I want to divulge.