No one enjoys when things go wrong with their body. No one likes the lack of control they have over certain health issues (well, maybe there’s someone out there who has this fetish, but not me). So the fact I have been experiencing hormone issues totally isn’t cool with me. As I’ve already established, I’m young, just in my twenties, but you wouldn’t know it based on my health.
My particular issue lately is my lack of sex drive. I know I’m far from the only young person who has this problem, but it doesn’t help me to feel any less unnatural or lonely. Just a few years back, I had a sex drive like you wouldn’t believe; I was insatiable. I would engage in sex multiple times a day, and the only thing that would hold me back was the fact I would get sore, and sometimes that didn’t even do it. Now though? I’m fortunate to want to have sex three times a week. Sadly there are even times where I will go a couple weeks without wanting to engage in any sort of sexual play.
Being the over-thinker that I am, I interrogate myself beyond all reason as to why I’m like this. I ask myself if I’m just burned out, if I’m losing attraction to Narcissus, if perhaps I’m just not really a sexual person. However, all these questions are pretty ridiculous and I am without a doubt still very attracted to Narcissus. I find him incredibly physically attractive, as well as mentally stimulating, among other grand things. All these things do not stop my hormones from plummeting however.
I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (which is a thyroid condition in case you couldn’t pick that out) and this, of course, causes a lot of problems with my hormones. So when my sex drive drops, I know that it’s not my fault, and there isn’t tons I can do for it, but it still pisses me off to no end. I feel like I am really missing out on my sex life. I feel like I am being cheated of the horniness I should have. I know, there are plenty of worse problems in life to have. I am truly not trying to just be whiny and gather pity for my tiny life problems. This blog is to chronicle our lives, and this is just part of it. I am truly happy about how good our health is overall, and I have endless empathy to those who are worse off.
All that being said, it still is a minor problem in our lives. One of the worst things about when it happens is that I don’t really care, in that moment. Sure, part of me knows that something is off and that I am not at my healthiest, but another part of me couldn’t give a rat’s ass. I couldn’t be bothered to even look at a sexual picture, or hear some dirty words. I want NOTHING to do with sex when my hormones drop. Inside I know that it’s not a fair way to live, and I experience some guilt, but I know that guilt is a useless emotion in this situation, too. Narcissus never complains, or tries to make me feel bad in these times. He’s sympathetic and he listens to me vent, and he just rides the wave out with me, and for that I am very happy. I know that my low sex drive affects him though. It can take a long time for my desire to come back sometimes, and that is frustrating. Sometimes I have a tiny spark of wanting to fuck, but zero motivation to actually get there. It’s a vicious circle.
As most people know, there’s a lot of pressure to be sexually active. It comes from society, people around you, one’s own self, amongst other things, and even if you know logically that it’s ridiculous and you can be as sexually active as however the fuck you want (or don’t want), sometimes you still feel messed up.
I am doing my best to try and take care of myself, and get even healthier. I know that it’s a long road, but I have patience. All I can hope is that with time, and better lifestyle choices that I can resolve some of these problems.
Side note: I am aware that these things are best taken care of by a doctor. I know that when you have hormone problems that you should talk with your doctor. This is basically just a venting post, not a post asking for medical advice. However, if you have some natural advice regarding Hashimoto’s, feel free to share.