It’s been many months now since I’ve posted on here. Though that was partially due to procrastination, that definitely wasn’t the only, or even main, reason. It was a plethora of things, including a fairly busy schedule, not knowing what to write about, and most of all, turning my life around.
Even though all of it wasn’t fun, and a lot of it proved to be challenging, it all made me a better person in the end that’s still a work-in-progress. I can say, however, that I’m in a much better place with my life, which obviously includes my sexuality.
As I’ve talked about before, I dropped porn about a year ago. There was definitely some ups and downs with that, but over a year later, I finally feel I’m seeing some real progress and improvement with it. I’ve recently realized that letting it go actually helped me in more ways than I initially thought it would. Even though I took pride in knowing that it was all for show, and once it ended any fantasy with it also ended, on some level it didn’t work quite like that. This led me to expecting certain things from myself and Rhea to play our “roles”. That, within itself, was a downward spiral into a world of self-doubt, uncertainty, and disappointment when I felt either of us didn’t live up to them.
Letting it all go, and starting over, helped me see things from a new perspective. I now see that there’s no such thing of what we should do except to do what works for us. I had to stop thinking with my dick and realize that it does not control me, and holds no power whatsoever over me. Which allowed me to think with the right head. I asked Rhea what did she want and what her expectations were with our power exchange, and that was simply to listen to her, and let her take charge.
At least it is now. It wasn’t always that way. Before then, I went into it with the sexual aspect being the priority, and everything else somewhat following if I felt like it. Now, I am there first and foremost to do what she wants and needs me to do, listen to her, and let her know how much I love her and appreciate her leadership. Don’t get me wrong, the sexual aspect is still important for us, but if we truly find our want and purpose at the core, then that’ll naturally follow and fall into place for us.
I’ve felt more confident and comfortable with being her submissive than I’ve ever felt previously. In fact, it’s helping me in building it. I finally feel like my sex life as a whole is becoming one that’s more suited to me as a person rather than having the influence of an unnatural, outside source.
I know that things will only keep improving from here, for the both of us.
Oh, and for those that want to know, I suppose I should mention that I’ve stretched the PA up to 4g now.