When?

This blog was started to follow a chastity/denial/FLR journey, and it evolved from there into more of a general sex blog. People still find the blog from these topics, and they’re something that’s heavy on my own mind, as well.

I have an intense love for denial. I love chastity because I love the actual devices, and the look they add, and there is something seriously hot about keeping a dick locked up. However, denial without a cage is just as hot to me, because it can take serious self-control to not touch yourself with no cage. The chastity cage can of course be cheated, but I think it’s still a nice physical reminder of “you shouldn’t be touching yourself”. Without a cage though, it’s all on you.

Keeping Narcissus denied was always extremely pleasurable for me. It added an intense buzz between us all the time. There was an energy there that I can’t exactly explain. I know it was a sexual energy, but for me, it was more than just that. It was a constant focus. I know that sounds like it could be a bad thing, and it would be, if you’re not into it. For me though, I really found joy in it.

However, because Narcissus and I don’t live together, it was tiresome at times, for both of us, I believe. When someone is denied, being teased, and having some form of pleasure (not always physical) is important, I think. If someone is locked up, and then ignored, it’s no fun, right? And while I wasn’t ignoring Narcissus, or his situation, it just wasn’t as intense when we were apart. I’m sure many men and women in chastity who travel away from their partners will tell you that they lose just a bit of the feelings/intensity when they’re apart.

So, due to a lack of intensity, and the various problems Narcissus was experiencing, we paused denial/chastity. It wasn’t as fun as it should have been. It created arguments where it shouldn’t have. It’s something that we both miss, I believe, but we’re scared to bring it back. I’m sure many people would think that chastity is a perfect solution for someone with a masturbation addiction, but I just don’t agree. Masturbation is one of those things that gets treated like a bad and dirty thing too much. I will always be an extremely firm believer that masturbation is healthy, so long as the person has a healthy relationship with it.

If you don’t want to masturbate, I respect that. However, I don’t think anyone should be shamed for masturbatung (all fun kinks aside). Since Narcissus is recovering from a masturbation addiction, I don’t think it’s fair to start chastity/denial again, right now. I believe that he needs to be able to develop a healthy, self-sex life. I believe he deserves the chance to explore and discover himself, without porn. I am a huge supporter of ethical porn, and I don’t believe people should be shamed for watching porn, either, but I have come to realize that not everyone can watch porn without it causing problems in their life. Therefore, he needs the chance to learn about masturbation and himself, without it.

So yes, I miss the denial and chastity fun, but someone having good self-esteem and a good relationship when it comes to themselves and their masturbation life is much more important to me.

That being said, I believe it’s a thing we both would like to be able to incorporate again at some point. The question is: when? When will it be safe to take control of his masturbation and orgasms? When someone has problems surrounding something like that, is it ever healthy to let someone else control it? Does that take a learning opportunity from them? Does that relieve them of some life lesson they need to be having? Does it make them less accountable? These are all questions that I have. Could I be over-thinking the entire thing? Possibly. But that’s a huge part of who I am.

Incorporating kink, FLR, BDSM, and whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it, into our lives really brought a lot of complications to the forefront, simply because with some of these elements they couldn’t be ignored. I am very glad that we see the problems and that we work on them together though, because I wouldn’t want to just pretend they don’t exist and muddle through life being half miserable.

-Rhea

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3 thoughts on “When?

  1. I think you must do whatever is right for the two of you. I find that the chastity cage thing helps our relationship. While neither of us think of masturbation as bad, I do believe that a male’s masturbation can negatively effect a relationship. In the past when I was able to masturbate I would do it whenever I had the chance. That occasionally meant a surprise chance for lovemaking with my wife came too soon afterwards and I was not able to get or stay erect long enough to please her. As a result my masturbation is against her rules. This works for us. Her rules and control are hot to me. They build on my horniness!

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  2. Personally, I moved from ‘tease and denial’ to just flat-out DENIAL to help my husband with his PMO recovery. He didn’t need the ‘tease’ because he was getting aroused just fine on his own. Making it just plain denial meant that he had to keep his hands off his dick, and that when there was sexual interaction between us, his focus was on my pleasure, which helped him (re)learn how to connect with me during sex and remain mentally/emotionally present (as opposed to traipsing through fantasy land, which is a big part of PMO addiction).

    I am able to tease him again nowadays, but I make sure only to do it when we have the ability to be with/focus on each other over an extended time, like a full day or a long weekend. And I didn’t start him back on teasing until almost a year into his recovery. He shared with me where he was at, mentally, and was very clear about what activities were triggering for him. That helped a lot.

    I agree that chastity without the device is hot. I love knowing that it’s all self-control, and that that level of self-control is brought about by my epectations. It’s an erotic homage, and one I definitely kink to. 🙂

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