I would like to take a moment to just say that this post might offend some people, due to strong personal opinions. I still welcome you to share your opinions on the topic, rather you agree or disagree with me.
I think a lot of men miss the point of servicing/worshipping/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. Now I know that sounds like a very broad statement, but hear me out. I’m referring specifically to relationships where the male is the submissive/slave/other, to a dominant partner. Too often I see men just “servicing” their partners without being asked, in hopes of something in return. Too frequently you will see these men making it all about themselves, and their wants.
Now I know that being a submissive/slave can be hard. You want to always anticipate your partner’s needs and wants. You want to please them, keep them happy, and do the things they like without having to always be asked. That shouldn’t mean forcing service on them when they don’t really want it. I also realize that s-types have wants and needs that need to be met, and I am in no way saying that they should constantly put themselves to the side.
This happens a lot between casual partners, but it also happens in long term relationships. For some reason, when it comes to sex, and sex-related activities a large portion of men think it’s just about them, and even more specifically, their dicks. A big majority of men who go seeking a dominant partner, are basically searching for a kink-dispensing robot. They want the dominant to cater to their every fantasy, and kink, and this just gets under my skin.
I’m not talking about anticipatory service here, because there are dominants who want that, and that’s perfectly fine. What I am referring to is the type of behavior where someone will practically force their “service” on their dominant partner in hopes of getting something in return. (Also, please be aware I’m not talking about rape, either. That’s a serious subject that deserves a lot more discussion than just this one blog.)
There’s a lot of dominant partners that are new to the lifestyle, and have agreed to try this lifestyle only at the asking of their partner, which is a wonderful thing. They’re new though, which means they haven’t found their voice/style, at times. It means that they aren’t exactly sure how they want to handle things, and when they should be using their dominant position. It doesn’t mean that they’re comfortable with their partner still leading the way for them though.
You can, of course, offer your dominant support, and help, if they want it. However, if they have said they want to handle things on their own, and find their style, respect that. Also, even if they haven’t said that, you need to still respect their wishes for any given situation. If your dominant has made it clear that they’re not up for play at that moment, then respect that, too. Do not try to offer “service” in hopes of getting something in return.
Also, if your dominant asks you to service them, don’t do it with the intention of always receiving something in return. Don’t attempt to talk your partner into playing with your dick if that’s not what they want to do. Don’t pout, or have a fit when you don’t get your way. When you hand over control to someone, then that’s exactly what you need to do. Do not guilt trip your partner into anything, especially not under the guise of “service”.
If you truly want to be someone’s submissive/slave/other then you have to accept that you’re not always going to get your way. You will be disappointed, at times, and you need to accept that like the adult that you are. Not by pouting, throwing a fit, guilting your partner into doing what you want, or making threats of any sort (common ones are threatening to quit the lifestyle, general disobedience, refusing service, etc…).
If you’re going to serve/worship/whatever someone, then you need to do that, and follow their direction, and listen to their actual wants. Be patient with your dominant, especially if they’re new to the lifestyle. Don’t bully them into anything they don’t want to do. You can always offer support, advice, and ways to help them learn if they’re new. However, respect the answer they give you, even if it’s a no.
Always remember that your dominant is also a human, with their own wants, desires, fantasies, etc, and some of them will have nothing to do with you. At times, they’re just going to want to relax, without you trying to force service on them, or making it all about you. Respect that they’re going to also make mistakes sometimes, and change their mind about things as time goes on. It’s your job to listen to them, and actually hear what they tell you instead of trying to guilt them into doing things just your way, and making it all about you. I am not saying you should never communicate with your dominant about your needs and desires, because you definitely need to. I am just saying do not offer to let someone have control only for it to be a fake thing, and you still underhandedly control everything.
(Also, I am well aware that female submissives can do all these things, too. No, I don’t condone that, either. I am simply writing about men because I find it’s more common amongst them.)