Rebuilding

Wow, it sure has been awhile since my last post. I visited often, attempted to even write a post a few times, but felt like there were some things I needed to get fixed and sorted mentally first. I didn’t want to put false feelings, or temporary emotions into my posts that I’d later look back on and say that I regretted. I can definitely say that I’m in a better place now, and steadily doing better everyday.

Not a whole lot has changed, at least at first glance. The piercing has been healing very well, and the first stretch is hopefully coming soon. We are slowly, but definitely, easing back into denial, and even chastity, which was something I initially wasn’t rushing into due to me being nervous about how the cage would interact with the PA. Aside from a few odd sensations I had to adjust to, it’s doing well.

 

On a deeper level, I feel Rhea and I reached a new level of trust and security within our relationship. Jealousy and insecurity have never been a problem for her, and I wish I could be the same. However, I’m definitely not. I’m getting better as I get older and experience more, but nothing pushed me into a new boundary more than us taking advantage of being in an open relationship. As I’ve stated, I knew she wouldn’t truly up and leave me for someone else, or that she’d suddenly prefer them over me, but that didn’t stop the irrational part of me expecting the worst in some way. Sex was never truly an issue for me, but deeper emotional or personal connections as a possibility were always the things that crept into my mind. Even though Flower didn’t work out, and nothing more happened beyond what we talked about on here, I feel like it made me grow, mature, and become a more secure person; all things I strive to be.

 

I don’t have that worry anymore with her if she flirts with someone in any way, or if she starts to talk to another guy. I also don’t feel the need to force myself into the situation in some way. I know where I stand with her, and that’s all that I care about. Of course, I still worry about her safety and well-being with any potential guy she may be open with, but the feeling of jealousy and insecurity definitely isn’t what it was some months ago. This also allows me to be more comfortable with being open with other females, not feeling the guilt or pressure, worrying that I’m making her feel the same way that I was then.

 

I know that one day she will likely go further with someone and actually have sex with them, and I think I’ll be ready. Can I say that for sure before we are truly placed there? No, definitely not. However, I know myself pretty well and I always knew that being open was something I wanted, but there was a barrier I’d have to cross once it was actually put into motion. I felt it lingering over me like a dark cloud, just waiting to show its face at the moment she actually found someone she was interested in. I no longer feel that, not one bit. In fact, I’m sort of ready for her to go that far with someone else, because the idea turns me on so much. I’m not rushing it though. We have our whole lives ahead of us, and I want it to be with the right person. Someone who deserves her.

 

Looking back at this post now that it’s coming to an end, I realize that it turned into discussing our open relationship, which wasn’t my plan at all. I didn’t come in here with a laid out plan, other than to just update our readers. In reflecting and writing on the things that’s happened with us since our last post, I realized that it was truly a big change, even if one that’s not directly or immediately noticeable.

 

With that being said, I do feel more motivated to do a lot of the things I enjoy in life again, and among those things is blogging. So you can expect to see more regular updates from me again. This time, however, won’t have a five month gap.

 

-Narcissus

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s