I wanted to write on the open relationship subject today. I know Narcissus shared some of what was currently happening in our lives, but I haven’t talked about it at all, yet.
So, as he mentioned, I met a boy (not a literal boy, he’s over legal age, but that’s just what I call him). I didn’t plan to meet this boy, but I did. As Narcissus also mentioned, we’re calling him Flower. Let me explain that name choice a little. Flower is a sensitive person, and right away we both caught on to how delicate he was in a sense. So, I said let’s call him Flower, and it stuck.
We haven’t met in person yet, we met online. Initially, I really didn’t think anything would happen or go anywhere because that’s the routine with most people we meet. However, I explained the open relationship thing to him, I asked him was he good with it, and he said he was. I explained our rules further, and he was still good with it. I was honestly really shocked.
You see, Narcissus and I are young, so if we find people around our age they’re usually totally not able to handle what we do. They’re not emotionally mature enough or anything like that, and they run screaming. This boy has been different so far though.
Now, as I’m sure some of you are wondering, have both of us been emotionally okay with all of this? The answer is yes and no. We have had our moments where it was an issue, but that’s what communication is for. Neither of us has said that we don’t want to be open or anything. There just has been some jealousy and insecurity issues that have happened because of it all. However, we talked, and made sure we understood boundaries, and expectations on both ends.
I have been really damn proud of Narcissus with the way he’s working through all of this. I know it hasn’t been easy on him at some points, but he hasn’t quit, and I appreciate that. Even though we both have said we want an open relationship from the beginning we haven’t actually pursued it like this. So he’s had me to himself for seven years, and now we’re suddenly talking about bringing other people into it in some aspect. We’re finding out how difficult it really can be now.
I wish open relationships came with a handbook. I know that wouldn’t work, of course, because everyone is different, but damn, it sure would be nice to have something to go off of sometimes. Since there is no handbook though, we’re just constantly talking about it all. It’s strange how you think you’ve discussed everything you need to discuss, and then you’re put in the situation and suddenly you realize you haven’t even covered half of it. It’s definitely been an eye-opener for us though, and it’s bringing us closer together.
Something that really helped Narcissus was reading Drew’s more recent posts because it helped him to see he wasn’t the only one out there in this situation, with mixed feelings. They seem to have a lot of the same thought processes, too, so that’s been a helpful aspect. I am very grateful that other people share their experiences because it can be truly invaluable to others.
It may seem like there isn’t a whole lot of emotions going on on my end, but there is. I have fears that Narcissus will decide he doesn’t want this and leave. I have fears that this will ruin our relationship. I have fears of rejection from Flower. However, even though all these fears are serious issues, I think they’re not really that valid (except the rejection by the boy). I trust Narcissus and I know our relationship is strong. If I didn’t think we could handle this, I wouldn’t be doing it.
We haven’t really talked to Flower about any kinky stuff yet, and I haven’t really explained that I’m dominant yet, either. I really hate to put in too much energy and effort and have it go nowhere. As Narcissus explained, we have had issues with people in the past. So I am playing it a bit cautious and just seeing where things go before I dedicate myself too much. Even if things work out between Flower and I, I won’t be doing the same sort of things with him. I don’t want to have anyone else in chastity, and I don’t want anymore pets right now. I will likely dominate him sexually , so long as he’s good with that though.
At this point, it’s just a big wait and see game. We will continue to blog about how things go of course, no matter if they turn out good or bad. I know none of this seems too well written, but that’s how thoughts and feelings are sometimes. We haven’t worked through everything yet, so I’m not too good at talking about it yet.