I’ve made it no secret in previous posts that punishments are my biggest weakness in this, without a doubt. It’s not that I have a problem with them or what they stand for, but it’s hard for them to really work on me in the moment that I earn them.
Well, today, something slightly different happened.
I woke up really horny today, and Rhea knew this. She told me to take a shower, then come back for some playing time. This excited the hell out of me.
Before getting into the shower, I waited for Rhea to unlock me as she usually does. We do this because I’m not circumcised and with the shape of my cage, it’s a bit hard to get fully clean with it on. Thinking she didn’t see me, I outright asked her to unlock me so I could take the shower. She told me no, and instructed me to clean myself with it on this time.
She was confident that I actually could clean myself well with it on, even though I wasn’t. I had a problem with this. I got pissy, and extremely mouthy. Without embarrassing myself too much by spilling all the details of my stupidity, let’s just say I killed the mood.
This led to her taking away the sexual play.
This has happened before, but this time was different. We will sometimes argue or have a heated disagreement before doing anything sexual, usually leading to neither of us being in the mood for it then. This time, however, it was done as a more direct punishment for my actions.
After this, she sent me into time out to think about how I had acted. It didn’t take long at all for me to reason with myself that one small thing I decided to blow up over was killing my chances for something big that I love. Within a couple of minutes, if that long, I apologized for the way that I acted toward her.
I’ve never been a fan of loss of sexual play as a punishment because I would rather truly learn from my mistake than just want to fix it in order to get my dick played with. I felt like it’d almost be like a dog performing the trick right just to receive the treat. I didn’t want that kind of conditioning. I’ve told this to Rhea before when trying to figure out what punishments we’ve tried that works on me.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get to choose my punishments, but we sometimes talk about which ones seem to work best on me from both of our observations.
That’s just it. Us, humans, are driven by sex. It’s what’s keeps us alive. It’s also what keeps the world going. It’s one of our primary functions and goals in life. I was blind, and admittedly foolish, to not see how this would work. I hate to fall into the stereotype that men, especially, just want sex. Because of this, I avoided the thought that this would work as much as it did.
What made this especially intriguing, is how it still wasn’t quite that simple. The moment that she told me she wasn’t going to do anything with me because of my actions, I felt a trigger in my head to automatically work on this issue. It really opened up my mind to the bigger picture and I seen just how small the problem truly was.
I knew that me deciding to act out on that moment over something so stupid, was in return taking away something so big that I truly loved. To put it simple, it’s instant karma. I see it as something slightly different. I’m placing it more into the category of the butterfly effect thought process. I immediately realized that one small change in our plans caused a bigger loss later on. Does that also mean not having the argument could have led to something just as bad? Of course, but having it definitely brought on a negative outcome that could have been better avoided without it.
Like I said, I admit that we are driven by sex. I learned that long ago, but I tried my best to avoid the thought of using that to the advantage of punishments out of fear that it would condition me in the wrong way. I learned today that it can be used, and not just because of the want for stimulation, but because it is effective at immediately opening my mind to how small and pointless my negative reaction to the situation truly was.
I admitted this to Rhea after it was all said and done, and I’m thankful that she still tries things even when I don’t feel like it’s effective. This is why I agreed to this FLR in the first place. I learned long ago that she knows what’s best for us better than I do.
Everyday is a continuing learning experience for us, and I feel like today was just another breakthrough.