Today I wanted to discuss our female-led relationship more. Of course, we’re simply one couple, doing it one way and there are many other ways out there to approach this relationship dynamic. I don’t believe there is one specific right way, and you, as a couple, should experiment to figure out what you want for yourselves.
A lot of what I have come across for female-led relationships is coming from a man’s perspective, and there’s nothing wrong with that, at all, but I think that makes it complicated to learn about sometimes, when you’re a female. There are females out there who talk about this dynamic in their relationship, but I think it’s definitely less. However, I have found useful bits of information from both males, and females, so you should read all sorts of sources if you’re looking to learn.
My experience with FLR is different from what I’ve read about most of the time, though. I was the one who wanted the FLR first; I was the one who asked about enforcing it fully. Now did I just force my will on him and make him submit to me? No. This is real life, and people have to discuss changes within their relationship, otherwise you’re likely to cause enough turmoil and problems that you will no longer have a relationship.
So after several discussions, and explanations, we began our FLR journey at the same time as our chastity journey. Talk about a lot of changes all at one time. Was it stressful? Yes, it was at times, for both of us. We really wanted it though, so we worked through it.
I still struggle with some things though, like everyone else. I wanted the FLR, and I know what I want within it, but he hadn’t really thought about FLR the way I had, so it causes problems sometimes. A lot of other couples experience this problem, but in reverse. The guys have sat around and thought about every detail they want and how they want their girlfriends/wives to dominate them, and their girlfriend/wife is left feeling somewhat lost. I think Narcissus can sometimes feel overwhelmed in all of this, because of me.
I have high expectations, and I know it. I do my best to be understanding, and patient, but in the end, I’m never as understanding or as patient as I should be. He is truly a great person, who does so much for me, and often times, it goes unappreciated by me, in a sense. Does he logically know that I appreciate what he does? Yes. But I need to learn to be more vocal in showing my appreciation sometimes, because everyone deserves to be told that they’re doing great, and they’re appreciated.
We have the type of FLR where I make choices that I feel matter. I don’t micro manage every tiny detail. We also don’t have one, set, system though, where it’s all planned out what I will and won’t decide. I do not decide every detail of the day, such as what we’ll eat, when we’ll eat, when we’ll watch TV, or play a game, etc. However, if at any moment I decide I want to control these things, then that’s what I’ll do, and for goodness sake, you best go along with it and listen. That can be confusing and hard to handle, no matter who you are, or what sort of relationship you’re in, I’m sure.
I make the types of choices that I feel will be important to us, and to our relationship in the end. I make the choices that I feel will be beneficial to us in some way. If I see a problem between us, then I get right on in and I try and fix it. Do I always go about it the right way? No, but I try my best. I also try to admit when I’m wrong, and work on a solution for us.
I am also the type of person who uses physical discipline/domestic discipline in my FLR. This was one of those things that I debated on with myself, a lot, before I brought FLR discussions to Narcissus. A lot of women debate on this because they don’t want to inflict physical pain upon their partner; this wasn’t my dilemma. I am a sadist; I truly enjoy inflicting pain upon others. Not in the sense where I’d want to kill anyone, or cause them extreme harm that’s mutilating (and I can’t hurt animals), but I do enjoy the pain inflicting that comes with kinky stuff. So I had to ask myself, can I practice physical discipline that’s for the sake of discipline and not for the sake of getting off? The answer came down to yes.
I decided that using physical discipline was simply going to be one method I used as a way of getting my point across; a tool I use to teach. It’s not what I resort to first, because that’s not my system, but it is something I use, often. My first step is talking. I will try and communicate my lesson first. Should talking not work, my next step is giving him time to reflect upon himself and his actions. Usually, this step works for us, and we can work on whatever specific issue we’re having, however, it isn’t enough occasionally. This is when I will tell him that he’s earned some swats. Do I administer them right away? Usually, yes. Occasionally I will wait though. Sometimes I will use loss of privileges, or loss of sexual pleasure in place of physical punishment, because it can be just as effective in some cases.
The next issue we had to work through with punishments was, occasionally, Narcissus will feel like I’m treating him like a child. Now, if you were to say to someone, “Yes, I use time outs and spanking to teach my lessons,” it could sound like you are treating your partner like a child. However, that’s simply not true for me. The ways I punish him, and the ways I teach him just simply aren’t methods I would use with children. I still respect him as an adult, and as my partner. I still allow him to express his views and opinions, and I do my very best to listen and take everything he says into consideration, but sometimes we still have problems that have to be talked through more.
I’m not saying we have everything worked out; far from it in fact. What I’m trying to say is we’re both committed to this, and to making it work for us. There isn’t an exact map laid out for us so we’ll just have to keep learning together. This post definitely doesn’t explain everything about me, him, or us as a couple, and it doesn’t explain everything about our female-led relationship either, but I hope it gives you some perspective. I will likely have many posts to come, discussing my views on our FLR, and the struggles we have within in.