Since starting enforced chastity and FLR, I feel we’ve become pretty settled in our roles. We know what
we expect from each other and we do our best to meet those expectations. However, there’s one thing
that if I had to choose as my personal weakness, it’s punishments; one of the things I love about being in a FLR, but also one of things I hate.
That’s right, I love and hate them. That’s the simple explanation. Now let me dive a little deeper into the more psychological aspect of it. There’s a process to this, like everything. It’s a before, during, and after. While I understand that not everyone works on the same exact punishment system, I’m speaking strictly from the mindset and point of view of the system that Rhea and I have. Let’s start with the first thing:
Let me start off by saying that this is the toughest part of the process. It’s that moment right before I get the punishment. I’m likely still in the mindset that got me the punishment in the first place. My emotions are still high. I’m still right. I don’t want to stop the argument or act, just to be punished. I don’t feel like it’s going to work at that very moment. I will likely try and reason with her on why I don’t deserve it or why she should postpone giving it to me.
Aside from me wanting to refuse the punishment, I still keep what we have in place somewhere in my mind. She doesn’t break, so I do as she tells me to, whether that’s taking a time out, or getting into the spanking position. During the time out, I have no distractions, only me and my thoughts. I have no choice but to play the situation over in my head and realize that maybe I don’t know everything and just possibly I’m actually not handling the situation well. If it’s a spanking, with each hit I feel myself calming down from the anger or any negative emotion that I’m feeling from the act I’ve just committed. Each time the paddle connects to my ass, I feel my submissive, more rational side slowly taking over the non-rational side that got me here in the first place. I can’t exactly explain what it is about the spanking that brings me down, but it works well.
This is the best part of it all. No, not because the punishment is over, but for a couple of other reasons. The first being the fact that I can now discuss rationally whatever issue we are having, or think about where I messed up and how I could have handled the situation better. This is also the point that I realize this actually works and she’s just not punishing me for the hell of it. Which, don’t get me wrong, isn’t how I normally feel anyway. Out of the moment, I feel like punishments are really effective and do well at fixing any issues in my behavior. However, during the time just before the punishment, as I mentioned earlier, I see no reason I deserve what I’m about to receive.
Now that I’ve gotten what the process is out of the way, I want to talk a little more about why our punishments work.
I’ll admit it, I’ve never been very good at handling a lot of my emotions, especially anger. Before taking on a female led relationship, I would often act out of anger, leading to small, relatively pointless arguments between Rhea and I. Looking back, I believe that having no consequences to the actions is what led me to be lackadaisical with trying to fix it. I knew that what I was doing wasn’t good for either of us, but once it was over, it was over. There was no obvious consequences that I had to face, so I’d just kind of brush it off as a bad moment then move on. Now that the punishments have been introduced, I have a reason to think twice about my actions before I do it. Do I always actually do that? Nope. In fact, I’m far from perfect with it. I can say, however, that I have felt myself taking that course of action more now than before we started this.
While the paddle does fucking hurt, I feel there’s a deeper, more emotional impact than its physical one. I can’t stand the thought of treating Rhea wrongly, or hurting her in any way, so when I’m in the moment of receiving that punishment, I feel that guilt and disappointment within myself that I have done just that.
Before this, a lot of our petty arguments would also leave me feeling guilty when there was no true conclusion to it. Before you ask yourself, yes, I also just said I felt guilty during the punishment, but that’s the keyword; during. Allow me to explain. Like I said, I’d apologize, and while I truly saw what I did wrong, we’d just move on. I would feel like I allowed my anger to get the better of me, and there was no repercussion to it. This would create something of a boomerang effect, and lead right back into anger eventually. Now that we have this system in place, there is a conclusion. The punishment is Rhea’s way of reminding me of what I did wrong, the consequence of that action, and how I should handle the issue in the future. I go through the guilt and disappointment stages during the punishment, but after it’s done, then that’s a clean slate for me. That chapter is closed. Now it’s my turn to show that I can do better the next time.
With that being said, I’d never want to take them away. While they may not be fun, Rhea and I both agree that they’re more beneficial than not, even when it may seem like they aren’t.